I may actually be one of the few people on earth qualified to answer this absolutely pointless question. Time to put my Automotive Engineering undergrad and Masters of Theology to work! Assuming the Son of God walked the earth today and decided he didn’t feel like walking anymore, what vehicle would he buy based on the characteristics most people would ascribe to this man?
First off, not a Honda Accord despite what the popular meme might claim! I owned an Accord for three years. It was a great transportation appliance, basically a Maytag on wheels. But it was not nearly special enough for a guy like Jesus. We need something a bit less common for him.
He was a carpenter before the Savior-of-the-world thing.
The Bible tells us Jesus’ father was a carpenter. In a world where sons followed fathers professionally, that means Jesus needs a vehicle that can haul stuff. Goodbye Yaris, Smart Car, and Lotus Elise. You’re just not going to fit our woodworking needs.
Comically tiny trunk in otherwise brilliant Lotus Elise. Definitely not fitting 2x4’s and carpenter’s tools in there.
He was a genuinely good guy.
1938: Adolf Hitler laying the foundation stone of the first Volkswagen factory… right in front of Ferdinand Porsche. The Jewish Messiah’s probably going to avoid their showrooms.
I’ve yet to meet someone who would argue with Jesus’ goodness. His divinity, resurrection, miracles… that’s debated. But not that he was a genuinely good person. “Love your enemies.” “Turn the other cheek.” “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.” He followed his own advice so well that later scripture calls him “holy, innocent, undefiled” (Hebrews 7:26). How does that influence car buying? Simply put, I can’t imagine Jesus choosing to buy a brand built by Nazis. Goodbye Volkswagen. You were founded by Adolf Hitler, who personally commissioned your ubiquitous “People’s Car,” the Beetle. And speaking of the Beetle, Hitler had Ferdinand Porsche design it. Yes, that Porsche. So, goodbye to my favorite brand as well. Now let’s be clear. I’d happily drive a VW hot hatch and almost anything Porsche has ever built. But I’m not Jesus. He took squeaky clean to a whole new level. I just can’t see him buying from a company whose founders posed for pics with the Fuhrer.
He was humble before it was cool.
Six centuries before Jesus’ birth, Isaiah prophesied of Him, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him” (Isaiah 53:2). Towards the end of His life He told His followers, “the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Matthew 20:28). In other words, the Son of God did not take on human flesh to drive a Bugatti! Time to cross every prestige brand and flashy ride from our list. Aston, McLaren, Bentley, Ferrari, Lamborghini, Jaguar… goodbye.
Gold-wrapped Bugatti Veyron – the antithesis of what Jesus would drive.
He was exciting to be around.
We’re told that thousands of men, women, and children sat for days in the hot sun to listen to Jesus teach and to watch him work miracles. And they did that right next to the Sea of Galilee, where they could have swum, walked the beach, or done whatever else passed for “fun” in the first Century. That tells me Jesus was probably not a Prius man. This guy literally turned the world upside down and launched a revolution that toppled an empire. In my opinion, there would be no boring cars in Jesus’ garage.
So what we need is something practical, Nazi-free, exciting to drive, and yet without an ounce of glitz. Ah… Jesus drove a sleeper! Of course, he did. ‘Power without Prestige’ would have been the plaque hanging on the wall of his garage. But what kind of sleeper for the king of kings?
Here’s my Top 3 Picks for Jesus’ Ride… not that He needs my advice.
1. 2003 Volvo V70R
I bet Jesus would have loved a fast wagon like this one. All-wheel drive to negotiate dusty Judean backroads. Fits five adults comfortably. 73 cubic feet of carpentry cargo. 296 horsepower to clip 60 in under six seconds with the six-speed manual (there’s no way the greatest man who ever lived would drive an automatic, none; of this I am certain). Brembo brakes and Ohlins dampers to apex every corner. And it’s a Volvo. Of course, the savior of the world is going to drive the safest car brand in the world.
2. 1958 Ford F-150
This classic farm truck is not a particularly exciting vehicle to drive. But it is humble, simple, rugged, and you can repair it on the side of the road. The disciples would have to ride in the bed, but it would still beat walking the desert roads of Judea. I don’t know why, but of all the available farm trucks out there, I picture the Son of God piloting this 1958 Ford F-100. It’s just so honest. And maybe He’d swap in a 5-liter Coyote to make it a bit more interesting. That’s what I’d do.
3. Toyota Sienna “Overlander”
For reliability, fuel efficiency, and number of passengers, it’s hard to beat a Toyota Sienna. Yes, they are the height of uncool, but to most of his contemporaries, so was Jesus. Plus, they have those miraculous sliding doors that open at the press of a button when you’re carrying twelve baskets of miracle left-overs. But how will a minivan survive the Judean wilderness? “Overland” it! Take an AWD version, add chassis stiffeners, upgrade and lift the suspension, bolt on off-road wheels and tires and you’ve got a go-anywhere minivan that can haul lumber AND disciples! This one even has a pop-up tent on top since the Son of Man had “has nowhere to lay His head” (Matthew 8:20). If Jesus was minivan-averse, He could get even better performance without sacrificing too much room with a classic Toyota 4-Runner or Land Cruiser.
Thanks for reading. As always, comments, likes, and contrary opinions are welcome and appreciated. But please don’t flame me about the VW and Porsche comments. It’s all meant in jest as I happen to own an old Porsche as my project car! This post is just for fun!